I would—honestly—hate myself. I don’t think I can really like a hypocrite of such magnitude.
Seriously. Sometimes, I’m impressed by myself. For example, I write something or describe something. I set it down or submit it. Later, (and by later, I mean anytime more than a few hours) I look at it again and am instantly attracted to it. I’ve forgotten that I wrote it (because I’m an idiot), but all I know is that, “Hey, this person is interesting. This person can think.” Then I remember who wrote it, and I feel impressed.
Sometimes, I meet someone who shares a few traits with me. I hate them. No questions asked.
Sometimes, I write something, and I feel that whoever wrote that is a jerk when I forget it. I hate them.
I’m just too damn hypocritical.
And sometimes, I fill out a survey. A year or two later, I fill it out again, with new knowledge and everything; only, I’ve forgotten that I’ve already done that survey. The website shows me the survey from before, and I’m surprised that my answers are almost exactly the same. I feel like a completely different person wrote that past survey, yet the answers are the same.
Knowing this, you’d think that when I clean my room and leave something somewhere, I’d find it again. I think, “Knowing myself, I think I would have left this summer homework sheet in the things-for-summer-work-kind-of pile” and it turns out that it’s not there. It’s somewhere completely different.
Why can’t I surprise myself with my past self thinking like my current self whenever I’m looking for something I misplaced?!
I don’t really like hand sanitizers as much as the traditional soap and water sometimes. I mean, it’s not a complete replacement, because hand sanitizers just sanitize. It kills germs. But it doesn’t remove dirt, grime, and filth. Soap and water is perfect for visible dirtiness.
But some people just splash/glop it on and refuse the water. Now I just see more smeared dirt around their hands. Germ-free and dirty. It’s good enough for say, before eating and my hands are clean-looking anyway, but not mud-play. Plus, I hate the uneasy feeling of when it’s not completely dried yet, and it’s a little sticky in the webs of my fingers.
Also. Because of the movie, 300, I can never think of Sparta when someone says Sparta anymore.
No, I’m not challenging you to a staring contest. But surfing on Digg and finding something about Jessica Alba and her own online staring contest makes me a bit sad that I’ve forfeited all staring contests.
The story is, during back-to-school night, I competed in a staring contest against this dude I knew. The stares went on forever, and my eyes were extremely dry as I had on my contacts. The by the middle, everything was blurred except my conpetition’s eye. And by the end, all I could see was his right cheek and eye. And the tears streaming down and down. Tears started streaming down my cheeks as well. But I won.
It was the longest staring contest ever. Ever. And I thought it felt like quite a few minutes. Maybe that was because I was participating. But my friend who watched it also said it was quite a few minutes. Perhaps. We never timed it, and I’ll never know my staring record.
But staring contests cause me so much anxiety. Sometimes, my eyes shift, and when your eyes are dry and stiff (can that be said?), shifting just a little bit makes me feel like I’m blinking, but I’m not. And I worry for a second if I did blink. This happens every ten-twenty-seconds.
However, if you want a tip to staring, just hang in there, keeping your pride as incentive, and you’ll reach a Good Point. This Point is where my eyes feel so numb and dry that blinking doesn’t matter anymore. I feel as if my eyes are so stiff, they’ll stay open forever. I don’t get that ‘did-I-blink’ anxiety. This lasts a lifetime until the tears. The tears burn, so much.
So much burning. And after the guy I was against lost, I couldn’t close my eyes for another minute or so. Because I knew it would burn so much.
That’s why I forfeit all future staring contests. Unless the person is easily beat. I did, however, beat Jessica Alba.